She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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