You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
