I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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