I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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