Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
