Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Can I color on your dick again?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
