Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
