My hand turned me down
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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