I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
