I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
