you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
