I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize