walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
