You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
