dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
