cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
