I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
