Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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