I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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