I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
