Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
