I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
