Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
