Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
