I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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