i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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