Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize