you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
