SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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