I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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