I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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