If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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