I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize