i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize