Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
