I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it's like iHOP with fire
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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