thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
