I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
