uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
