he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
