i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
