Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize