I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
