She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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