He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
