her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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