i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
