6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
