I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
