Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
