I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
