That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
