I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
