Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize