I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
