My nipple is on Facebook.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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