Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
