ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
