I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
