remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
