After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
