There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
