I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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