How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
