Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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