I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
