My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
