You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
