we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
