My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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