just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
