I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
