If that was your dad, he is hot
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
