Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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