I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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