You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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