wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We just shotgunned beers for America
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize