Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
