It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
