We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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