Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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