Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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