Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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