i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
