rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
