Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
A+ Viking dick
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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