I could have mohawked her pubes.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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