i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
