They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
