Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
