During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize