Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
