Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You did what with his pubic hair?
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