I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
