My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
